What do I want?


Why do I forget so often to ask myself what I want? It’s so easy just to go along with what is happening and what everybody else is doing. That goes both in the office and at home or with friends. I just do. I don’t consider other options, because this is what everybody does. I live my life in auto pilot mood far too often.
But sometimes I stop and ask myself the question “What do I want?” and then I always know the answer. I can let a Saturday just pass by without doing anything but cooking, taking a walk and pick up things in the house. Had I asked myself what I wanted to do with this Saturday, I know that I would have come up with several good ideas. Why is it so? I read so much about the Ego and how we in different ways should try to get Ego out of our way, so that we find our true self and what we are supposed to do. So why isn’t my Ego up and shouting about what it wants to do all the time? Is it laziness or is it actually some kind of auto pilot? I don’t know.
Sometimes it’s enough to ask the question and allow the soul a few seconds to come up with the answer. Sometimes it requires that I take a paper and pen and sit down before I ask myself the question. This of course has to do with my past in planning and coaching. I then do a mind map with my longing or wanting in the middle and all the thoughts that come up in the boxes or circles scattered around. It somehow makes it more real when I see it on a paper. The thoughts have gone one more step towards the goal. It can’t just disappear back in my brain and be forgotten!
This also goes with life in general. What do I want to do? The answer is often surprisingly quick and sharp. Not saying that it is always something that is as easy to turn in to reality, but that is a completely other issue. And relationships is another part that I think we completely forget to think about in terms of what we want. I have my wonderful husband, my lovely daughter and some really great friends around. I very seldom sit down and think about what I want with each relation. Thinking of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever done that!
What will happen if I, for the following week, start my day by asking myself what I want from this day? And if I ask myself what I want with this relation, before I meet each of my friends? Will it change any of my thoughts, my actions or my feelings? Let’s see.