The other day I met the priest who officiated the marriage between me and my husband 17 years ago and baptized our daughter some years later. It was so strange to meet him here in Shanghai! Last time we met we were in that old, beautiful church in Kalmar Castle. Of course he didn’t remember me, but I had to tell him that what he told us about the key to keeping a marriage together, has stayed with me all these years. So what did he say?
He said that it’s so easy to think that it’s the love that will carry you through all ups and downs in a long marriage. But it’s not that easy, because there might be days when you are so angry or sad that you can’t feel that love inside of you. Or days when your spouse is having health or job problems and you don’t feel as loved as you would like. Those days it has to be the will to be married to that other person that shall make you do the necessary work to find each other again.
Now I’m happy to have a very good marriage and I can’t really say that I’ve been that much out of love for my husband, but still what the priest said has made an impact on me. It’s not only the love to a partner that needs some will some days. It can be the love or good feelings for a friend, a job or an education. Nowadays we often get the message from media that we should only do what pleases us and turn away from difficult or boring activities or people. I think it’s good, once in a while, to reflect on what we want to keep in our lives even when the feeling isn’t the best. If I feel that I really want this relationship or job to continue, but in another form, then that will give me the strength to start thinking of solutions instead of getting stuck in negativity.
So the will to find new solutions or turning on a more positive perspective could be the bridge from the bad days, when love is not so present, to the good days where love can prosper again. I like that!