I’ve been thinking about my ego lately. I read an article about the ego, saying that we will never experience full harmony and love as long as we are so deeply connected to our ego. But what is the ego? Is it an alien living inside of me or am I two kind of people in one body? I have started to think of my ego as if it’s all my fears gathered together like a big lump of emotions. Since we have learned over the years to connect different emotions with different thoughts – and vice versa – these emotions have a lot of thoughts already stored in my brain. Perhaps these thoughts of fear are what we experience as our ego. By “fear” I mean all kinds of negative feelings, like anxiety, worry, embarrassment, unease, anger, bitterness, self-pity.
Whenever I do something totally out of kindness, love or joy there is no ego knocking on my shoulder. I feel harmony and ease. The ego is absent. And if it’s not absent, it will for sure turn that good moment into something negative by telling me that this act of kindness didn’t get the proper response or that my love for someone is not returned – different kinds of fear talking again! The ego making sure that I don’t forget about it!
This would mean that in order for me to feel more harmony in my life I have to get my ego more and more out of the way. How can I do that? I don’t know for sure, but I will start by trying to take a closer look at all these little pieces of fear. What would this moment be like without any kind of fear? How would I respond to this person without any kind of fear? If I was free from all negative emotions, what would I do today?
Maybe that big lump of fearful emotions is like any other kind of infection in the body? When it gets too big it will start to affect me, and if not treated it will take over and eventually make me a victim of the decease.
“The treatment” could of course be a pill – so that I don’t feel any kind of feelings any more. Or perhaps a kind of vaccination – if I boost myself with even more fear I might be one with my ego and not think about harmony or joy at all anymore. Or I do it the military way – I attack! By investigating in my “enemy” I will get to know it and how it’s working. I can then form my strategy and finally attack the Ego. My weapon will be love and understanding! That I will do.
I’ll come back to you with further reports from the battle field!